head on.

that's how i was hit. that's how i choose to deal with the aftermath.

******

here's the version of the story i mailed out to random peeps last week... it's hard to type with 7 fingers, so it's likely the only one there'll be... at least until the splint comes off. most of the people who got this email were medical folks, so if anything needs explaining, let me know.

******

i was spending the month of december in the chicago area doing my ob/gyn rotation, living with my best friend from college. it was supposed to be a great time.

it was dec 5th and i'd had an exciting day at the hospital. i was on my way home and couldn't wait to share the stories of the day. it was almost 7:30pm, i was 3 blocks from home. the night was dry, and so were the roads. it was freezing out. the car in front of me swerved and was immediately replaced with headlights. my skid marks were only 6 ft long. we hit almost directly head-on. if he'd been in anything larger than his cavelier, there's no doubt in my mind that i would not have lived through the accident. from what we heard he was drunk, and at this point, though he is still in the hospital, he was uninsured. my car spun and the passenger side rear of my car hit the car that was traveling behind me. that lady wasn't hurt. the crash was very fast. i ended in the ditch facing the opposite direction. my driver's side window had shattered and busted out, the windshield was in a million little pieces, but was still intact. my steering wheel was bent. my airbags had deployed. i could move all my fingers and toes, but my left thigh was jammed between the dash and the seat.

a stranger came up to the window to see if i was ok. they called the people i was staying with and my mom. the paramedics showed up, and one of the sat in the backseat with a blanket wrapped around us so we wouldn't get glass in our eyes as the others worked to free me from the wreckage. i was in so much pain. they eventually freed my leg, and pulled me out the driver's side door. i was taken to the nearest ER as a level 1 trauma for treatment.

my left hip was posteriorly dislocated, i had a broken right 5th metacarpal, a broken and dislocated right proximal phalynx of the great toe, a gash on my knee that required 8 staples, some other minor cuts and scrapes and a lot of bruises. i think i've found a new bruise everyday since the accident.

they reduced my hip under concious sedation, and two days later, i had pins placed in my hand and toe. i was discharged from the hospital on saturday dec 10, and was taken to a rehab facility for intense inpatient physical therapy. unfortunately, that place was not what i expected... they had gotten word that i had a traumatic brain injury, and were treating me as such. i was on a lot of morphine while i was in the hospital, and a lot of things are fuzzy... but i'm fairly certain that my brain was uninjured. i checked out of the rehab facility on monday dec 12, and got set up with in-home physical therapy.

i'm doing pretty well at this time. i have a walker, but haven't used it in almost a week. i'm getting better with my left hand and i can maneuver stairs. i'm in less pain everyday. i had to take three weeks of vacation, and i'll have to reschedule an OB rotation. i'll fly home (as previously planned) on christmas eve. i'll then do a 2 wk pathology rotation at st joe's in detroit (i was scheduled for an endocrine rotation, but the lack of the ability to drive or write, the DME said path would work better...). on jan 13 i'll fly back to the chicago area (previously planned) for a friend's wedding. afterwards, i'll stay in chicago on two more weeks of "vacation," during which time i'll have surgery to remove the pins, and have all of the follow-up appointments i'm supposed to have. i'll be cleared to drive after the pins are out, so i'll hopefully be able to get a car during those two weeks as well and afterwards i'll head back to detroit for another 4 weeks. i'm scheduled for anesthesia that month, but perhaps that will have to be changed. at that point, i should be pretty much back to normal and good to go.

things have been pretty stressful, but the friends i am living with are so helpful, and have really gone out of their way to get things done. they even rearranged their house, turning their formal dining room into a bedroom so that i could have a room downstairs. it'll be good to go home next week, and i'll be glad to get back on the other side of the stethoscope.

******

the car

walking at the hospital

i'm going to be OK!

panera.

i've been spending a lot of time at panera this week. you know, because of the free wireless internet. i'm there right now, actually. at panera. on LaGrange road. which is also 96th street. or 45 highway. why? why three names for one street? the world may never know.

******

sometimes i really like coffee, and sometimes i think it tastes like cigarette butts smell. you ponder that one for a couple minutes.

panera.

i've been spending a lot of time at panera this week. you know, because of the free wireless internet. i'm there right now, actually. at panera. on LaGrange road. which is also 96th street. or 45 highway. why? why three names for one street? the world may never know.

******

sometimes i really like coffee, and sometimes i think it tastes like cigarette butts smell. you ponder that one for a couple minutes.

ob/gyn.

wowsa. ever feel really, really dumb? i mean, really. dumb. i know next to nothing about obstetrics. and gynecology. too bad my preceptor starts every interrogation session with "what do you know about...." NOTHING i want to scream. NOTHING AT ALL. i know i'm disappointing you on at least an hourly basis by not knowing the most common cause of vaginal itching or the epithelial cell type in the endocervix or the incidence of neural tube defects in women who took folate supplements versus those who did not. i'm IGNORANT. and don't offer to let me in on a procedure by asking me the question "any good at phlebotomy?" in front of the patient. i'm going to have to shake my head no. even though the one time that i did it, i hit it on the first stick. but that in no way means i'm GOOD at it. i've done it ONCE. and dimples (my phlebotomy partner, who happened to be H-O-T) had really good veins.

argh. i'm just frustrated with feeling so out of my element. and not really knowing what i should be able to do. i mean, we did inpatient rounds this morning on the post-surgical patients. i coulda done that by myself. written the progress notes, discharge orders, consult orders, etc. all. by. myself. apparently i'm supposed to put myself out there and just start offering to do things.

on a lighter note. i've seen a LOT of vaginas in the past couple days. i'm getting better at measuring fundal heights. i did an ultrasound the other day. not very well, but i had minimal instruction, so i fumbled through on my own. it wasn't a necessary ultrasound - just a mom with her 6 year old daughter who wanted to see the baby. so he let us play together.

i stopped by the hospital to give the nurses my phone number so they could call me when there's a delivery coming. i mean, come on. that's really the only part that seems exciting to me. i'm reading about the stages of labor now so i'll be ready. not really. i'm reading it because just before i left this morning, dr. b asked me what i knew about labor. (see above for answer). so then i was assigned stages of labor and management of complications within each stage. which is an ok thing, because even though i don't have my text in yet (barnes and noble ordered it for me monday night), i DO have lecture notes from last year that enclose those topics in two very succinct power point presentations.

******

the only really good thing is the hours. i work very few hours. which is unusual as far as obgyn rotations go. i work mondays 1-6, tuesdays 1-5, every other wednesday 1-3, thursday 1-8 (but he says he never makes the students stay the whole time...), and friday 10-noon. it works out nicely, since there's so much READING for me to do.

******

in other news, thanksgiving here was nice. different, but nice. we had to wear dress up clothes and we ate off of china and drank sparkling grape juice out of crystal wine glasses. fancy, no?

******

one more thing. i love panera. and i LOVE that they have free wireless internet. i took this picture on my way here this afternoon to show you how much i loved it.
let's be honest. i really took it to show you how hot i look today.

what.

a. long. day. 7 am to 10 pm. and it's not like last month where i just slept over at the hospital and left at noon the next day. i have to be back in at 7 am. and i'll be there until 5. at least in the afternoon tomorrow we have lecture, so it will be less work. but more stress as it turns out, as i haven't looked at the lectures or discussion questions. can you say not good?

******

in other news. two days left, and i'll have another month under my belt. insanity, i tell you. BUT... the good news is that i am starting to be able to see that you will be comfortable with things by the time you are in residency and confident in your skillz by the time you are an attending.

i'm amazed at how much fun it is when you actually have kids coming in. you know. sick ones. and there are things to think about. and stuff to read about. and it's kind of like a game. 308 is spiking fevers, give him some tylenol and keep a close eye on him overnight. 305 isn't eating well, start her IV fluids back up. 415 is eating like a champ, stop his IV fluids. 413 has an oozing sore behind her ear, culture the drainage and start IV antibiotics. it's fun, actually.

i'm dreading the end of this month just a little bit. this will end my 3 month stint of seeing only pediatric patients. i will now delve into the world of adult medicine. which will undoubtedly be much more like work and much less like a game. hopefully i can find ways to amuse myself amidst the dreaded mile long lists of medications. i'm going to miss all the cuteness though, that is for shizzle.

nothing really to say.

but i wanted to post anyway.

i'm sad about missing the big family thanksgiving gathering. it's my first major holiday away. i guess i stuck around longer than all ther other kids... who'd been missing holidays for years by the time they were 25. anyway, i'm still sad. especially because so many of the other kids will actually be there this year.

******

i have to do a presentation tomorrow morning during rounds about crohn's disease. i'd link for you, but i'm lazy right now. it's an intestinal problem, and you should count your lucky stars if you don't have it. it wouldn't be fun. trust me. anyway... it's only supposed to be 5 minutes long. unfortunately, mine will be longer than that, and people will be annoyed. because there are things to do. sick kids to take care of. LIVES TO SAVE. and all that jazz.

******

i move on wednesday. i'm really ready to not be in des moines anymore. it's pretty lonely here.

untitled.

one of my classmates' 5 month old daughter got sick last week. she's now on life support and the doctors say there's nothing they can do. they are probably going to pull support tomorrow. i can't imagine the agony. maybe one day doctors will learn to heal sick people.

"p" fruits make you poop.

something i learned today during didactics. (see: fancy word for lecture). the "p" fruits include prunes, pears, peaches, pineapple, etc. and are good things to give kids who are constipated. we doctor types are good for something, huh?

******

my patient this morning did bad things overnight last night. he has a neuromuscular disease (see: bad nerves and bad muscles), and has pneumonia on top of it (and multiple other issues). well, the pneumonia is a problem for him because since he has bad muscles (this includes the muscles you use to breathe with), he has trouble breathing over the pneumonia. and so last night he dropped his oxygen saturation a few times and they had to bag him (see: not breathing good and needing extra help to breathe). at the last hospital i was at, if you were bagging someone on the floor (see: not the PICU), you had to call a code (see: bad). i guess this is not the policy here.

so this morning, he had been flying pretty well for about an hour or so by the time i saw him. and my intern (see: 1st year resident) left me to do an exam on the kid and write a progress note. the respiratory therapist was doing his morning treatments at the time, so i started my note before seeing the kid. i had written no more than the date and time when one of the RTs comes out of the room to summon help as the kid's SATs were dropping again. so i page the intern and walk into the patients room as if i know what i'm doing and will be of a great deal of help to these people.

the next two hours were a flurry of activity. there was me, the intern, a second year resident, a third year resident, both of our attendings, the nurse, the nursing student, the transport nurse, at least 4 respiratory therapists and perhaps 3 RT students. it was a LOT of people. we ended up transfering the kid to the PICU (see: pediatric intensive care unit) and intubating him (see: breathing for him).

it was sad.

because jen is a crabby pants.

no, that's not why. actually because i have a few minutes free right now. that's why i'll post for you. first of all, here are the before and after shots of the haircut. mind you, the after was taken about 30 seconds ago. and it's been a long day.

beforeaftermy newest hobbymy latest discovery. it's addicting.
and the time starts as soon as you get to the page. so HURRY!

and this is really how i spend my days these days. not with this pumpkin. though i'd love to. but with pumpkins just like him. except they have snotty noses and fevers. and they aren't nearly this cute. well, maybe a couple of them are.

they cry when you look at them and scream when you touch them. they may puke on you when you look in their throat and pee on you when you're checking their femoral pulses. but sometimes they pull your hot pink pen light out of your pocket all on their own and their eyes get big and they grin with glee. why would you want to do anything else?

jealous?

today i got my hair cut and taught myself to knit.

diagnosis unknown.

chief complaint: "constant fatigue."

history of present illness: amanda has just worked for about 32 hours straight. she is status-post call, and has been so for about the last hour and a half. she was able to drive, but reports being unable to form complete sentences. symptoms began just over a week ago and are exacerbated by soccer games, scrabble and algebra homework, but seem to be the worst around 4:45 am when she begins to hear ringing in her ears. symptoms improve when patient self medicates with oral caffeine intake, and she reports needing to use this treatment 3-4 times per day.

past medical/surgical history: negative for history of disease of the reticular activating system, which mediates arousal and daytime alertness.

medications: moderate-to-large doses of caffeine every 4-6 hours

allergies: crying 2 year olds with asthma exacerbations (patient breaks out in hives); grumpy 12 year olds with multiple infections and rashes on their butts (patient's airway closed completely off at last exposure); nervous interns, screaming residents and questioning attendings (patient reports varied vague reactions to different exposures)

family/social history: there is no family history of similar symptoms. there is also no history of heroine use or chlamydia infection. and even if there was, you would not be told about this.

Physical Exam:
general: patient is difficult to arouse and appears to have not changed her clothes or showered in at least 48 hours.
HEENT: normal appearing head. patient drools while sleeping.
Heart: beating
Respiratory: breathing. sometimes.
GI: alternating diarrhea and constipation.
Neuro: patient scores disturbingly low on mental status exam.
extremities: cold and clammy.

Assessment and Plan:
this patient is a 25 year old white female who reports to her bed with extreme fatigue following a 32 hour shift.

1. monitor drooling, heart beat and breathing for signs of distress and ongoing fatigue.
2. attempt to regulate dietary intake to normal eating hours of the day.
3. discourage operation of heavy machinery.
4. STOP WHINING ABOUT THE LACK OF POSTING!

******

just kidding. about all of it but number 4. wait. that's backwards. history and physical is accurate up to #4. i'm going to sleep.

4 down. 72 to go.

weeks, that is.

over the course of the next two years (well, one and a half calendar years...) i'll do 72 more weeks of rotations than i have done up to now. i'm utterly amazed that 4 of them are done. by this time 4 weeks from now i'll be over 10% done. WEIRD.

******

psych is done. it was an ok time. as much as i loved it, i do not love psych. i may have said that before actually. i don't even have a good "the dude" story to leave you with.

oh - except this one...

i had to set up my post-rotation exam through the psych department on campus because "the dude" doesn't have a computer on which for me to take it. so i do.

then i see the secretary that i set the exam up with in the gym. and we talk for a few minutes about how the rotation is going.

and then she says "oh, "the dude" always does such a good job of preparing you for the exam. his students always score considerably higher than others."

to which i reply, "yeah, he's a really good teacher." thinking under my breath, "and because he practically reads the exam to me a few days a week in our down time." seriously. i took the exam today and felt a little as if i had cheated.

i had to get the secretary to come put her password in again at the half-way point in the exam - and she says "wow, that was fast."

to which i replied, "you either know it, or you don't." thinking under my breath, "he either told me the question or he didn't."

******

it's all downhill from here, right? i'm not so sure.

i heard through the grapevine (or the school website reviews) that i'll be working a LOT at my next rotation. including 5 call nights. 5. 5 times in which they expect me to work overnight. i'm a little apprehensive.

but we had a couple people over for dinner tonight, and that was a lot of fun. we talked and laughed and ate. it was nice and relaxing. and left me with an even bigger crush on one of our guests than i already had... *sigh*

sad state of affairs.

the pants i wore today are SO comfortable. but collected enough lint to knit christmas sweaters for every person in my extended family and beyond.

stranded.

stranded.
stranded.
stranded on the toilet bowl.
what do you do when you're stranded,
and you can't find a role?
you must be a man-
and wipe with your hand!

******

i got up this morning and realized that my toilet paper role needed to be replaced. i opened my bathroom cabinet where before lived what seemed an endless supply of TP, to find none. NONE. it seems the landlords removed said stock from my access. without warning or explanation.

how rude.

i cried today.

at work. in front of "the dude" - but he either didn't notice, or ignored it for me. i'm sure it's the latter, because the former just wouldn't happen. he knows when i'm thinking of a question for the patient during his interview. it's creepy, really.

******

today my patient was discharged. see, there's been a little girl in the hospital who i've seen every day of my rotation up to this point. i'd thought about bringing her home with me. (this is what we in the psychiatry world call "countertransference") she didn't need to be in the hospital anymore, but didn't have anywhere to go. until today. she'd been on a waiting list for placement at a residential facility in another city. they called today saying that a bed had opened up for her. i won't see her in the morning.

and since i'm learning a lot about teaching kids to process their feelings, i did a little processing of my own.

here's what i've come up with: i'm glad it's me and not her. see, i'm leaving at the end of the week. i was starting to get anxious about telling her i wouldn't be seeing her anymore. i was afraid of how this would impact a little girl who's lost so much already. but now, she gets to be the one who leaves. and that's the way it should be.

it's so late...

i have to be at work SO early tomorrow, that i've knocked myself out of time for a "real" story... so you're stuck with this one...

old men don't get the khaki pants, black shirt deal. "the dude" tried it today, and failed. he wore brown shoes and a brown belt.

i mean, really people.

******

oh, one more quick one... "the dude" just realized today that this is my first rotation. meaning (at least in my mind), that he thought my skills and comfort level was more that of at least a 3rd month. good times, eh? (remember, "the dude" is canadian...)

the reasoning skills of today's youth...

yesterday, during morning rounds i was admitting a patient to one of the day treatment programs at the hospital. this particular program is for adolescents with substance abuse problems... so i ask the kid about his substances...

"pot. and i tried meth once, but i like to eat and sleep, and i couldn't do either of those things, so i didn't like it."

and the award goes to...

amazingly, all of the people that i've been working with this month are WONDERFUL. and i'm not just saying that. BUT. i've met the winner of the one person i truly dislike on this rotation... here are two reasons why: (and these are the only two reasons because these are my only two encounters with the woman)...

1. yesterday at the private office, i was taking a patient out to get their next appointment scheduled, but neither of the secretaries were at the desk. so there's a woman standing there (who i've never seen before) who asks my patient and the patient's dad if she can help them. instead of letting them answer, i say "they need to schedule an appointment. are you able to do that?" (thinking this is a fair question seeing as how the two of us had never met, nor had any idea of the other's title.) she replies, oh so sweetly (or not.), "i'm a PSYCHOLOGIST. i don't DO THAT. you're going to have to get one of the secretaries to do that." me, thinking, "uh, yeah... but you asked if you could help..." she then turns back to the patient and her dad and says, "can i help you?" to which i again reply, "they need to schedule their next appointment." with that she walked away, and i waited for one of the secretaries to return to the desk to schedule said appointment for the nice girl and her dad.

2. then, TODAY when we got to the private office, i said to "the dude", "it's cold in here..." he replies, "you're right. here, take this stick and push that little thing on the ceiling, which is the thermostat, a little towards the red arrow..." (i'm not sure how this heating and cooling system works... but that's beside the point...) apparently the PSYCHOLOGIST's office is next door to "the dude's" office and she heard us talking about the temperature, and apparently her office is controlled by our thermostat as well. so she comes over to add in that she's freezing as i begin struggling to adjust the thermostat on the ceiling with the stick "the dude" handed me. she comes over to me, and homegirl TAKES THE STICK OUT OF MY HAND - and says "here. i'll do it. this affects me too." to which i replied, "uh, i'm fully capable of moving the little arrow thing with the stick." and then she left.

and so, the aforementioned first-person-i-truly-dislike-at-a-rotation-site award goes to.... drumroll please....

the PSYCHOLOGIST. (she's not really THE psychologist. just the PSYCHOLOGIST... as there are many other psychologists who work at the private office who are very nice and helpful... just like all the other people i've met on this rotation.)

medical student to the rescue.

this afternoon, "the dude" got a phone call from a nurse at the hospital. (we were at the residential facility, where we spend most of our afternoons.) she was on the verge of frantic because she had been trying all afternoon to find a pediatrician to come and do an H&P (history and physical) on one of our kids who was to be discharged today. he told her it'd be ok, and hung up the phone.

warning: open mouth, insert foot moment ahead... (or more likely, overzealous suck-up moment ahead)

so i jokingly say "you need me to go do the H&P?"

he stops dead in his tracks and stares at me. i think probably he was processing and trying to figure out how "legal" this would be. "are you serious?"

i replied, "umm, yeah. i can do it." thinking "oh gosh... i don't know if i can do this..."

he calls the nurse back and tells her i will be there in 19 minutes and 24 seconds to do the H&P. then he says to me, "you just earned yourself a cookie. and a couple extra points on your evaluation. good thing, you're gonna need 'em."

oh man, you gotta love "the dude's" sense of humor. at least, i hope he was being funny...

so, i went back to the hospital and was welcomed with much gratitude from the nursing staff. i did the H&P to the best of my ability, though i've thought of at least 4 things i forgot to do and/or write in my note. oh well. beggars can't be choosers, right?

b.o.r.i.n.g.

even though "the dude" thinks he could never get bored as a psychiatrist, i am already bored. perhaps because i don't really do anything or make any real decisions. among my colleagues*, this seems to be the determining factor as to whether or not you enjoy your rotation. (at least this early in the game... i hear later it becomes how good your hours are...)

*it's fun to call my friends "colleagues"

here's a picture of what i stare at for hours a day... minus "the dude" and the patient...

at least he is giving me a lot of hints for my "post-rotation exam"... and i really like him. he's funny and enjoyable. i just do NOT want to be a psychiatrist. (in case i haven't mentioned it before...)

******

as promised... i said i'd let you know what i ended up doing this morning. i went in about 7:45. it took me a little bit to realize "the dude" went in ahead of me (EARRRRRRLY this morning) and saw his patients, and signed off an imaginary note that i was to later fill in on my patients. that was nice of him, eh? (did i mention he's canadian?). when i met up with him at the residential facility (office shown above), he mentioned something about he thought about calling to have me go ahead and come in earlier. blast!

the curse of the medical student.

there seems to be a key component in every person's medical school career in which one is told to "come in late" or "go home early"... it's a crisis of belief, so to speak, in that you are constantly weighing the risks and benefits associated with your actions. does he really mean for me to come an hour late? was he kidding when he said "come early if you want to"?? am i supposed to want to???

the more advanced medical student would look at my situation as follows: you don't need a letter of recommendation from "the dude," you don't really like psych, the only real benefit of going in early is to see a couple more patients than you normally would have... and in the scheme of things, what's a couple more patients?

the third year medical student fresh out of the classroom looks at the situation as a challenge: he wants to see how dedicated i am. and how willing to work i am. and if i'll go an extra mile when offered a short cut. or maybe he's testing my level of stupidity.

the long and the short of it is this: "the dude" has an appointment with his dentist in the AM for a tooth that's been giving him trouble this week. the appt is at 7:30. we normally do hospital rounds at 7. so he told me to come in at 8, start rounds and he would catch up with me. had he stopped there, i would've been fine. but then he adds, "you can go earlier if you want to."

i'm supposed to want to, aren't i. but let me let you in on a little secret. I DON'T WANT TO! not even a little bit.

i'll let you know what happens.

eeeek

so, i've officially (well, almost officially - as in, as soon as i post this post) finished my email/blog-checking time in about 25 minutes. which is good because i have quite a bit of reading to do tonight. and i spent some extra time on the elliptical machine this afternoon because jennifer aniston was on oprah!

******

"the dude" threw me for a loop this morning... "hey, why don't you interview this next one." eeeek!?!?!? you mean in front of you? right now? eeek.

******

i just realized that today is the 4 year anniversary of my grandpa's death.

******

funny quote of the day: "the patient (a 12 year old girl) came to therapy today wearing a shirt that read 'people like you are the reason people like me take medications.' " and all i can think is, who BUYS things like this for mentally ill kids?!?

somebody's in trouble!

i got the iron out to do my sunday afternoon ironing ritual in which i iron every shirt i may want to wear the following week... and there was WATER in it! WATER! in the IRON! umm... do you KNOW what kind of OCD people i live with?!? it's a good thing i found it, and not the non-offending spouse... or the other one would be missing a limb!

"the dude" said i wasn't allowed to play tonight. i have some reading to get done. but i think. what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right? so here i am, still emailing and blogging and it's 6 pm. and survivor starts soon. hmm... ethical dilemmas...

(does anyone else think the word "dilemmas" looks like it should be spelled "dilemnas" ???? why do i think that word has a silent "n" ???? this is really distressing to me.)

******

so, about 6 of our patients at the private office this morning didn't show. PEOPLE - LISTEN TO ME - if you can't make your appointments - CALL AND CANCEL! it's SO frustrating to just sit around waiting. don't you people know we are DOCTORS. YOU are supposed to be waiting on US. NOT the other way around. we are VERY important you know!

just kidding. sort of. ;-)

so sleepy.

so, it's about 5 after 9 pm. and i'm so tired i can barely see. i dont know what i'm going to do when i actually have a rotation in which my hours exceed 7 or 8... one in which i am actually working for more than just the first hour. since i only see patients on my own at the hospital and pretty much just job shadow the rest of the day, i'm slightly less than stressed on the job. but i still can't stay awake past 9:30 or so without hallucinating. must. listen. to. the. voices. it sounds like they're saying "go to SLEEP!" so i will. in a minute.

******

a good friend of mine, tara (we went to undergrad together, where she was a year under me, and now we go to med school together where she is a year over me - she started a year early, i took a year off...) finally emailed me back today, and is actually in town this month doing a rotation at the SAME HOSPITAL we round at in the mornings! how fun. hopefully we'll be able to get together soon.

******

i think i'm going to have to start strictly limiting my computer time in the afternoon. see, i get off work at about 3:30 (2:30 today... ), go to the gym, and usually get home around 5ish. then i turn on my laptop, sync my handheld (which enters my patient logs onto the portal system at the school), and read my email and check your sites for updates. this part of the afternoon takes me WAY TOO LONG! it must stop. then i jump in the shower, grab some dinner, try to do some reading (this usually actually ends up in a little tv time...), and then it's time for sleeping. i have no idea where the evening goes.

******

i'll leave you with a few rules of the casa de karma:

1. the shower walls must be squeegeeed after each use. there is a little hook with a yellow squeegee hanging in my shower. i'm not kidding.

2. all toilet lids must remain in the down position unless in use. i rebel and leave mine open overnight. i'll show them!

3. all cardboard goes in the recycle container closest to the wall in the garage. all other recyclables must go in the container closest to the door.

4. the doors to the tv cabinet must be closed if the tv is not on.

5. the iron must be turned completely off BEFORE you unplug it from the wall. you must then immediately pour out any leftover water.

does anyone else get the impression that the people i'm living with are a skosh on the OCD side??

the biggest loser

here's a picture (not a great one...) so you can compare... jen is 3rd from the left.
and here's a picture of jen from tonight. she looks AMAZING.

tidbits.

from a previous post:

i know a famous person. well, not really. but check it. a girl from the class below mine that bigred and i used to tutor with at a local high school is going to be on the new season of "the biggest loser." you should check her out. and root for her. i'm so proud of her! we're not super great friends or anything, but i totally know her. good for you, jen! and good luck!

******

so, i just got home from the gym, getting ready to shower, grab some dinner and head back to school for the season premire of "the biggest loser," (see above) and the Q&A with my famous *almost* friend. so much for the reading assignment i've been given.

******

i accidentally referred to "the dude" as "the dude" to one of the nurses at the hospital this morning. she just laughed, but i was a little nervous about it afterwards! she works the overnight shift though, so by 7am when we get there, i'm sure she's ready for a laugh. and a big nap.

******

"the dude" was talking this afternoon about his medical school, and class sizes, etc. so, he started asking me about mine... then he went into this whole spiel about how he really likes to have students from my school, because, "with the exception of you, they've all been really great!" what a jokester! at least i HOPE he was joking. ;-)

"you're so organized"

so, i happen to have fooled a therapist today into thinking that i was so organized and had everything together. we had a bunch of staffing meetings today (see, everyone involved in a child's care sitting around discussing said child with child's guardians). one is fine, two is ok. we had four. or maybe five. i lost count. it may have been six.

so, after the first two, we had a lunch break, and i went out to have a little solo picnic with my little tuna salad lunch thing, reading a paper written by "the dude" in about 1873. i'm sitting there minding my own business when aforementioned therapist came by and says, "amanda, i just wanted you to know that i think you are the most organized student "the dude"* has ever had. you have everything he needed with you and you took notes. and i just thought you were great."

the good news is, i have some people fooled. they think i'm a doctor. well, they know i'm not. but they think i have doctor skillz.

*she didn't really call him "the dude."

******

i admitted another patient on my own today. it didn't go as swimmingly as this girl was way less forward with the info than the f-bomb girl was yesterday.

******

here's a picture of sid, the cutest step-kitty ever. he's SO cudly. and SOFT. his brother, arthur, is afraid of anything (or anyone) that moves.

bargain!

what a steal! i got 5 new work shirts and a skirt from the clearance racks at dilliard's for $50. $50! can you believe that? sweet.

******

hot-t and one of our other friends were in town this weekend, so we all went out last night. it was fun to be with all of them again. and hot-t was looking exceptionally hot. i miss him. (he's in minnesota doing a family practice rotation currently.) i probably won't see him again until january when we are both in detroit. :-(

******

so, call this weekend was good times (basically, call just meant that we had to go in saturday and sunday morning to do "rounds" on our patients and "the dude's" partner's patients - only took a couple hours each morning).

i had my first 14 year old girl swear at me.

"the dude" told me this morning that i had "earned" her. she was admitted last night, and so we had to do her admission interview this morning. i'm not sure if earning the right to do said admission interview was a privilege or a punishment, but nevertheless, here's me and this 14 year old girl (who was admitted for assaulting her staff at the residential facility, as the case may be...) in a room by ourselves, and she's starting to get annoyed at the interviewing... i'm starting to ask her some pretty probing questions regarding her feelings (because i am practically a psychiatrist), when she replies, "i don't want to answer the f***ing question!" oh. ok. nevermind then.

"the dude" came in and was actually impressed with the amount of information i had managed to get out of her, so i guess that's good. and i finished her work-up in way less time than he had anticipated. (he told me not to worry about seeing any other patients, to just concentrate on her, but i ended up joining him for one of the patients we were covering on the adult floor, and then i saw my two little kids on the kids floor.

being a doctor is fun. unless 14 year old assaultive girls are dropping the f-bomb on your plate.

this is the life.

so, i worked from about 7 until 9:15 this morning. and i don't have anything else to do until 1. i'm supposed to be using this time to "study"... hmm. i'll think about it. i have been loaned a large text that i should undoubtedly be reading. but ick.

"the dude" dictates on friday mornings, so i'll have this time free every friday. it's nice to have something to look forward to.

i saw a few kids on my own today. i got some nice feedback from "the dude," about things i asked wrong and things i should've asked but didn't think of at all.

he went on a small rampage about mental health workers being afraid to discuss mental health issues, such as psychosis. he suggests it's because the "normal" population lives closer to the edge of psychotic than they want you to know. probably true.

conversing.

hey jen. it seems our blogs have become just conversations between the two of us. i thought i'd say, i too (in response to your comment on yesterday's post), thought the worst thing would be dealing with some poor kid who'd been sexually abused. that is until today - when i met a kid who was the sexual abuser. man. this is hard work.

processing.

so, i figured i'd post early this evening before i got too tired to see.

i went in at 7 this am, and was done at 3:15. not bad, not bad at all...

i saw my first on-my-own patient this morning on morning rounds at the hospital. morning rounds is the time when we go around and check in on all our patients seeing how they've done over the past 24 hours. this generally happens, as the name might suggest, in the morning. early morning in some instances. you've been there... you've been admitted to the hospital for whatever reason, and the only time the doctor actually comes in to see you is at about 4:15 am when you can't get the sleepy glue out of your eyes good enough to count how many heads he has.

anyway, my first patient was so much fun. i mean, don't get me wrong - seriously disturbed. but fun. like, i was actually playing doctor. i asked questions, she answered, i wrote about our encounter in her chart. i wrote in her CHART. "the dude" came in to my conference room so i could give him "report." he read over my note, complimented me, and co-signed me. making it officially my first official note. ever. exhilerating.

speaking of seriously disturbed patients - man, did i see some dooseys (sp?) today. lots of PTSD and lots of sexually abused kids. i was close to tears a couple of times, and then while i was working the elliptical machine and watching part 2 of oprah's katrina show - and seeing julia roberts (who looks way too thin) and hearing the way she spoke about her time in new orleans. i was sweating and crying at the same time.

so, tonight i have been given a reading assignment, which i must tend to now. good times.

first day.

so, let's call my preceptor "the dude" - i actually do call him that. not to his face, but when talking about him with my colleagues. i can't tell you why we call him that, b/c that would require me telling you his real name. and i'm not sure how much i can get away with saying without the HIPAA monsters coming out of the closet and biting me.

so anyway, "the dude" forgot that he told me to meet him on the "a" level of the hospital. so i waited for about 10 minutes before springing into action and finding someone who knew where i could find him. the good news is that he only forgot me one other time today.

so, the day went along swimmingly. my schedule is a little confusing, as we travel between three different locations. but really, it'll be pretty good. he's a good teacher and i'll learn loads from him.

i only work about 5 hrs today. in by 8, out by 3:30 with a two hr lunch. but tomorrow, i have to be in at 7, and right now i'm exhausted. i'm a little afraid of what a full day work will do to me, being this tired after a half day.

perhaps i'll have time for a good story or two tomorrow. for now, i must sleep. i have to get up in the hour of 5 tomorrow. curses.

purchasing.

finally! i've been looking for this pair of shoes for a LONG time. this afternoon, in a moment of pure bliss, i came upon the black highland crocs in a size medium. yesssss! i'm hoping these babies will carry me through many, many hours of hospital time. wish us luck; we start tomorrow. ******

yuck. the other major purchase of the day was considerably less spendy. and ridiculously more disgusting. we learn to suture on pig's feet. and karma wanted to practice. so i picked these up for us and we spent an hour or so perfecting the vertical mattress and the horizontal mattress. we don't really learn the horizontal mattress, but it was the only other stitch that i could find a good picture of.

drained.

this morning was an emotional morning at church. we talked about katrina, and about how we can help. it's horrible to feel as if you can't help. especially if what you really want to do is to go... feed the hungry. take diapers to the babies. help the children find a way to go to school. care for the sick. ha. care for the sick. i'm not yet properly trained to do any such thing. in fact, i pity the sick man who must rely on me to make decisions regarding his health. so for now, i'll stay the course set out before me. so one day i may care for the sick.

tonight, karma and his wife, and another friend of ours went to see the constant gardener. the footage of hundreds of africans standing in line waiting to take a medication that would poison them; a little girl running across the desert alone after her village was raided; big name pharmaceutical companies out to make a buck and willing to silence anyone who dares stand in their way. the entire scenario would be stomach-wrenching enough were it entirely fabricated. but my true concern is that things of this nature go on.

the mantra of every budding medical student - "i just want to help people." the goal in your medical school interview is to come up with a clever way to say it. my day has been absolutely smothered in people. people who need help. and i don't know how.

medical student hypochondriasis, part 2

for the past couple days, i've been having a weird pain in my calf. it hurts like what i might imagine a DVT to hurt. i'm pretty convinced that it'll lead to a pulmonary embolism. and soon. i might die.

self-centeredness

our class president just sent out an email from a friend of mine who is from louisiana, letting us know that he and his family evacuated and are all ok to the best of his knowledge.

in all the time since the storm, i've been reading stories about people evacuating, wondering how it's possible to lose absolutely everything in an entire city, wondering if life there will ever be back to normal, and honestly, wondering if we'll hear about it when it is. i mean, really, after the reconstruction of the cities begin, we may continue to hear snippets, but the people who lived through it will deal with it for a very very long time.

so i've been wondering all these thoughts... and never did it enter my mind that i actually knew anyone that would be affected beyond the rising price of a gallon.

i feel so bad.

beyond that, there's another girl in my class who was mentioned in the email. from what i can tell, nobody has heard from her as of yet. (we start rotations on tuesday, and she hasn't moved into her apt in ohio yet.) i hope she's ok.

preparation.

so, i've had this book with the really cheesy title for a while (it's about the size of a 3x5 notecard and about 115 pages long). i should've been able to finish it a long time ago. but i do intend to finish it before next tuesday. you know, when i actually BECOME a junior medical student.

the last time i was a junior was a blast. hands down, my favorite year of college. and when i think back into the deeper recesses of my memory, the time before that when i was a junior in high school wasn't too bad either. hopefully my 3rd junior year will also be full of pleasantries.

what's in a name?

so, when you start a blog, you have to name it... here's the story about mine.

imagine, if you will, a lecture hall with approximately 250 people in it. if you can, imagine that it's a friday morning, and everyone is waiting to get back their chest and abdomen anatomy practicals. continue with me, while the professor talks about the overall class performance on said anatomy practical. he rambles on and on. and then he mentions how... this has never happened before. someone got a 100% on this practical. you can see where this is going, can't you?

well, you guessed it. i made history that day. i got a 100% on an anatomy practical. apparently quite a feat. but the name?

well, i told my friends, but not my lab group. (you just don't go around shouting from the rooftops news such as this in medical school.) but in the very next lab, one of the profs was at our table and i asked him a question. he looks at me and smirks. and then says to me with a wink...

"i know who YOU are. you're the ACE."

so sometimes i like to call myself the ace. (please note, nobody else calls me this, really.)

sick.

yeah, so i'm spending the last week of my last summer ever with a cold. it sucks. to be sick.

******

gram and i had a good time. we played some scrabble and lots of skip-bo. i plucked her eyebrows. we visited her friend in the hospital. she begged me to stay another day. sorry grams!

yeah, so i didn't take my straightener with me to gram's house. and not that my hair looks like this if i don't straighten it. no, worse. if i don't straighten it, it's really fuzzy. so i figured i could use gram's curling iron to smooth it out, but it was too small and ended up putting in too much wave, so i decided to embrace it. here's a better shot in which you can see both sides. unfortunately, i liked it. so i'm hoping i can find an old curling iron around here from 1993 that may be small enough to pull this look off.

when i look at it now, it just looks a stringy mess. but i liked it at the time. perhaps another day of experimenting is in order. i'll get back to you.

******

eek. this time next week i'll have finished my first day of pediatric psychiatry. is anyone else nervous?!?

******

saturday was karma's birthday... the big 3-0. and i sent him a really funny card and wrote some pretty sentimental stuff in it. and i called on the big day (but i don't think he'd gotten the card yet, because i'm a bit of a procrastinator...) and he's surely gotten the card by now, and i've heard nothing from him. i guess i was just expecting an email or something saying "i always knew you were a big goob." or something else equally as heart warming as the text message he sent me last week that said "i just took a huge dump. how are you?"

i REALLY need some new friends.

i'm moving into karma's house (for 4 weeks) on sunday (and then again in november, for another 4 weeks). i'm glad he'll be around when i'm having a nervous breakdown from the reality of the craziness of some kid's lives.

******

i know a famous person. well, not really. but check it. a girl from the class below mine that bigred and i used to tutor with at a local high school is going to be on the new season of "the biggest loser." you should check her out. and root for her. i'm so proud of her! we're not super great friends or anything, but i totally know her. good for you, jen! and good luck!

project.

i've been thinking about making an updated bag. tonight was the night. props to my mom. she helped a lot, with both the design phase and the actual construction phase. she's a really good pinner. thanks mom!

i love pencil bags. especially the ones that are of this particular design.

******

tomorrow, i'm going to go visit grams. she's so excited. which makes me happy. she's pretty lonely, so it'll be good for her to have some company. i'm looking forward to it as well. we'll be going on some nice little walks and playing lots of scrabble. i really adore scrabble. i know, that practically means i AM an 80 yr old woman. i'm ok with that.

dying.

i have a slight case of medical student hypochondriasis. meaning, i've diagnosed myself with mumps. mumps? that's crazy - my titers are POSITIVE... meaning, i'm IMMUNE. which can only mean one thing. it's a crazy strain of parayxovirus that i'm not immune to and that there is no vaccine for, and certainly no cure, and thus i will surely die.

if i don't come out of this, tell my mom i love her. and i'm sorry i didn't eat dinner with her.

this week's memory verses.

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved; for you are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14

Behold! I am the Lord; the God of all flesh. Is anything too difficult for me? Jeremiah 32:27

where's waldo?

a week from tomorrow i'll move back to des moines, where i'll live for 4 weeks with a friend while i'm doing my psychiatry rotation. i'll be working with a pediatric psychiatrist, which i am both excited and nervous about. but mostly excited.

here's my schedule, as it now stands, for my 3rd year of medical school:
sept: psych, des moines
oct: peds, kansas city
nov: peds, des moines
dec: obgyn, chicago
jan: endocrine, detroit
feb: anesthesia, detroit
march: family practice, quad cities, iowa
april: family practice, quad cities, iowa
may-august: hospital block (which includes four weeks each of surgery, ER, internal medicine, and either cardiology or ICU), quad cities, iowa

it will be a lot of moving, but it's broken up nicely, and should work out ok.

my only other concern, is that i've heard advice that you shouldn't rotate in what you want to do end up doing right away... but this is how my schedule worked out. and so, this future pediatrician will see only kids for the 1st three months of my rotations. i'm sure that things will work out fine in the end. but i will admit to being slightly nervous about something coming back to haunt me... like hospitals that i might want to do residency at remembering me as a babbling idiot of a 3rd yr when i rotated there way back in the first block of rotations... i'll just know in my head that i have to work hard right off the bat to make good impressions on important people.

medicine, like so many other things, is more about who you know than what you know. even more than that though, it's about who you know and how much they like you. so i'll do my best to play the game: be likeable, don't ruffle too many feathers, and bring treats.

new method of coping.

i've recently decided that the best way to make yourself feel better when you are having a bad day is to compliment yourself. tell everyone around you that you are both pretty and popular.

example 1:
friend: wanna go out for lunch next wednesday?
me: i don't know if i'm free, i mean, i am so pretty and popular.

example 2:
friend: that shirt is a really nice color on you.
me: thanks; it's because i'm so pretty and popular.

i know you're skeptical, but trust me. it's good times. and the more times you say it in one day, the more likely you are to believe it. you should try it.

see how pretty and popular i'm looking here? my friends can't even stand to not have their heads touching mine. i'm that PRETTY. and POPULAR.

go suck an orange.

boys make everything so complicated. COMPLICATED. (not this boy, mind you... but i heart this picture in a big way.)

my head hurts

but i got a lot done this morning, and still had time to spend a good number of hours watching tv, hanging out with my mom, and playing on the internet. all in all, not a bad day. but my blasted head hurts.

******

on a much more exciting note... my cousin found out that it's a BOY!! i'm SO EXCITED for her!

ugh.

thinking about money gives me a headache. and makes me long for a latte. i took this the other day when i went to hang out by myself in public, pretending to like hanging out by myself in public. i'm beginning to realize that i'm lonely. i'm on a very individual trek, and i can't be too sure of when it will cease to be individual.

not that this makes any sense. but since classes are finished, for the next two years i'll be moving frequently. and though for the 1st six months at least, i'll be living or working with good friends, the prospect of not being able to settle in to a real routine for more than four weeks at a time has got me a little down today.

i think there's a delicate balance to life. and life in medical school is no different. i was always envious of karma and hot-T, because they had lives outside of school. karma had his wife, who he wanted to be with whenever there was no real need to study (which, who can blame him, really?) and hot-T had not only his girlfriend, but a whole host of other friends from college, etc. even down to big red and the man from china. they had eachother. and with the exception of hot-T and the couple of months karma has to travel, they will continue to have access to intimate relationships, while i simply will not.

current obsession

i cannot get enough.

priorities.

so, i did all my laundry, and had it sitting in my laundry basket due to my lack of space for putting anything away in the bedroom i call my apartment. so what do i do? i remove the clothes from the basket, hang everything possible, and stack the rest on top of various box piles in order that i can have an empty laundry basket for the dirty clothes (of which there currently are none). so, piles of clothes on boxes in order to avoid a single pile of dirty clothes that doesn't even exist. people, you can trust me with your life! i know what's really important!

******

one more thing. i can't WAIT to have an income. i'll settle for a student loan check.

re-do

i read in a magazine last night that it's no longer "in" to wear dark colored polish on your toes, so since i had nothing better to do this morning, i repainted a nice light pink. it looks darker in this picture than it really is. trust me, i'm totally "in"!!

******

an aside, if you have a second, weigh in with your opinion - this question has been plaguing me for a while now.

pampering.

i gave myself a pedicure last night, complete with soaking, scrubbing and sanding. my feet are oh-so-soft today, and i'm thoroughly enjoying the color of polish i chose for myself.

denied.

hot-T and i got our rejection letters today. we applied for a scholarship (the same one we were rejected from last year). we went for interviews the week before boards. it took away practically an entire day of studying. but tell me how much fun it was to be in the car for six hours pretending to study. we also ate at a really fantastic (and way too fancy) cafe on the plaza. i had an omelet - and they put feta cheese in it. i adore feta cheese.

perhaps had we not wasted that time, boards would've been slightly less painful. here are the two of us at the post-boards party. apparently whoever took this picture had been doing a LOT of partying. get a load of the way hot-T appears to be scheming to bite my ear off. not that i would've minded.

nutritional value.

popcorn... is it a vegetable or a carbohydrate?

lazy summer "daisy"

i'm not good enough to have my own flower pictures, but good golly, i love me some daisies... and google. thank goodness for google.



today, i did next to nothing. well, not exactly next to nothing. i spent the morning at a doctor's appointment with my mom. then i spent the afternoon sleeping. i think meridith may be on to something with her recent mono kick. she's convinced she has it because she's constantly tired. i think it's just all the residual stress in her life, but whatever. anyway, ever since i left her house yesterday, i've been ridiculously tired and sleeping endlessly. or at least wanting to. she must have been contagious.

chic-a-go

i got home earlier today from my latest galavanting. i went to mer's house in the windy city. flew in thursday evening, and left this morning - after i *ALMOST* missed my flight. talk about STRESS!! the airport was PACKED with people. on a random tuesday morning. was there a holiday this weekend that nobody told me about? i was there an hour early... and i was THE LAST person on the plane. LAST. i boarded at least ten minutes after the final boarding call. after SPRINTING from the security checkpoint to the gate.

anyway, the trip was good. we had a good time. we always do. we had a condo-warming party for our favorite new home-owner. she got a lot of cool gifts. we spent the rest of saturday napping and lounging and talking about how there must be a carbon monoxide leak that was causing us to be so lethargic. really, i think we're just lazy. so, pretty much we did not a lot of activity. meridith is one of my favorite people to do hang out with. we always have something to talk about and that makes us fun. because we say so.

on monday, mer took the day off work, and we went to a water park and acted like we were fourteen. we had a splendid time and i am now a delicious pink that will soon be a bodacious bronze. i know you're jealous.

so, it was a pretty sweet weekend. and it makes me excited to live there in december. i hope i have at least a few days off. i'll be doing OB that month, so who knows. time will tell, i suppose. and until then, we'll chat on the phone approximately 7 times a day.

various and asundry things.

i haven't been able to post for a few days because my computer got into a fight with the internet. they're back on speaking terms now, after a little coaxing from tech support, and a lot of begging from me.

so, i think the template switch solved the disappearing text issue. and i'm lately obsessed with pink, so it works well.

i just got back from a trip to des moines to see the boys once more before everyone scoots on our own merry ways... it was fun. lots of hanging out. and we ate lunch yesterday at noodle zoo. one of our favorite places. yum.

i didn't take any pictures on the trip, so here's an old one (one of my favorites actually) just for fun, so you can see how cute we are.

see? we're way cute. hot-T is on the left, karma is on the right. gotta love 'em. did you know karma's a GENIUS?!?! 90th percentile on the boards. huh? yeah, 90th percentile. psycho!

anyway, we had a good visit. and i'll move in with karma and his wife for the month of september. hot-T will be far far away, but i think we'll get to see him at least once, and that will be good.

i'm getting WAY excited about my trip to see meridith this week! i fly out on thursday. it will be a slammin' good time.

i'm SO sick of this apartment crammed into a bedroom life i'm living right now... i NEED some organization in this place. it's not going to happen at least until after the big trip. perhaps next weekend i'll be able to find nothing else to do. we'll see about that.

boards...

I PAAASSSSSSSEEEDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

boys...

ugh... these boys make me CRAZY sometimes... they are my cousins, and they live at my house this week. they are always bored. and they are constantly picking at one another. they just left to go to the pool with our neighbor and her little boy. let's all breathe a sigh of relief that i wasn't asked to accompany them.

why is my TEXT DISAPPEARING?!?

this blog is starting to make me crazy. though i do think this is a fun new trick that i just happened upon. i think i may start o-ver. or at least i want a new background! polka dots are SO out.

new pictures...

a most random assortment of photos from my latest roll of development...

*****

a few of my best friends from college

*****

post-boards partying with karma (top; bottom left) and ali-T (bottom right)

(big red refused to come out and play).

*****

me (left) and big red in daytona beach on spring break.

the end of the hiatus

the past two weeks have been insanely unbusy. a great summer break, so far...

i spent a few days with lots of family in from various points of the globe. it was a great time.

then i went to kid's camp for a week. is it bad that i had a huge crush on the camp pastor? why yes, i'm sure it is. but he was H-O-T.

hours after returning from camp i went to stay with my cousin who recently moved close from far. she's pregnant and her husband is off getting trained for his new job, so i went over to play. we spent a few days at our favorite aunt's house too, which was an especially good time. we swam in the lake everyday, minimally dodging large quantities of goose poo.

i just got home this evening. tomorrow i'm going with my mom to a seminar, after which we will meet my other aunt (my grandparents had 4 daughters...) to pick up her two boys who will be staying at our house for a week. they should keep me busy. hopefully i don't murder either of them... ;-)

coffee shop lady

during school over the past couple years, i always thought, "man, it'd be nice to come hang out at the coffee shop and read for fun like all the normal people around who have normal lives do. but no. i have to sit here and study for the __________ (fill in the name of whatever class it happened to be that day) exam."

so today, i ended my three day pajama streak, and did just that. i spent probably 2 hours there this morning. reading a book. alledgedly for fun. turns out the book was treacherous, but that's another story all together.

anyway, since i'm back in the hometown for the next couple of months, i was in a coffee shop that i am not considered a "regular" at. not yet anyway. but i happen to know that the lady who runs the place has a daughter who is also in medical school. so everytime i go in, we have a friendly little chat about how hard life is etc etc. she's a really nice lady.

anyway, i met a friend for lunch and did some minor shopping. afterwards, i decided to make a trip to the public library to pick up some decent reading material (as the one i was about to finish was making me want to gouge my own eyeballs out). low and behold, who is at the library but the coffee shop lady.

if we're to be seeing this much of one another, i should at least take it upon myself to learn her name. maybe tomorrow.

london

another unbelievable tragedy.

the posse... or the study group... whichever...

~hot-T~

i love boys with curly hairs. seriously. a girl in our class told me she thought hot-t was hot the other day. i accidentally told him when we were out at the bar that night. oops. i think it's breaking some sort of unspoken girl code. but i totally like him better than her anyway. and it seems the next day he was totally obvious about it. b/c she asked me later that night if i'd told him. whoopsydaisy. ~karma~

the same girl that said hot-T was a hot-t also asked me if karma and i were in love. we knew there were people thinking it. but come on folks. he wears a WEDDING RING. i'm TOTALLY not that kind of girl.

~go big red~

i love this picture. looking oh-so-tan. we know it causes cancer. but don't you just feel better about yourself when you are a little crispy and know that it will turn into a pretty bronze color. so alive! we were pre-tanning for our spring break trip to daytona beach.

Cody

so, last night bigred and i were coming home after cranial and found a little boy running through our parking lot. he said his mom lived far away and how he got here, well, that was a long story. he couldn't or wouldn't tell us his address or phone number. he said he was trying to find one of these cars to get in and wait until he was big enough to drive away. that's going to be a lot of birthdays, cody said. so, we asked cody if he wanted to go in and get a snack and see bigred's dog, and he was all about it. so basically, any random person coulda asked him to go get some pizza with them and he woulda gone. he smelled of smoke and had that sweaty kid smell mixed with stale kid smell. his hair was long and curly and he wore big thick glasses and no shoes. we think he was mentally impaired in some way as well. perhaps FAS, but we're not sure. so we ended up calling the police to see what we should do with this little guy who didn't know or wouldn't tell where he lived. so they show up and cody tells them little more than he had told us. somehow the people at the dispatching office figured out where cody lived from the lispy pronounciation of the last name he didn't know how to spell - a couple of buildings over (obviously far away to a 6 yr old). so then cody's mom wanted the cop to meet her out at the squad car - which made him mad. she finally agreed to come to us. when she showed up, one of the cops opened the door, and cody saw his mom and promptly ran to the bathroom and shut the door. the one cop went into the hallway to talk to the mom, and when cody came out, he said his mom gets really mad at him when he runs away. you dont say. so the cops took cody and his mom back to their apt to make sure everything was ok. it was a weird deal, to say the least. more than a little worrisome, but i think we did as much as we were able to do.

*****

in the grander scheme of life, BOARDS ARE OVER! hopefully. i keep trying to convince myself that i passed, but i'm really not sure. it was so ridiculously difficult. 2 months of waiting before we know. yippee.

karma took the USMLE today, and in celebration, we're going to an I-cubs game tomorrow night. i'm really looking forward to it. jsc refused to go b/c a baseball game is as much fun as watching paint dry. i mean, come on. it's a LITTLE more fun than that.

*****

i love boys with curly hair. i can't help myself.

*****

in a little more than a week, i'll be moving home. all my friends will be splitting up and going separate ways, and as excited as i am to be starting rotations (as long as i passed boards; see above), i'm so incredibly sad that this part is soon to be completely behind me. i mean, it's not even like this part was FUN. shear torture is a better way to describe it.

but i am BAD AT CHANGE. and it gets hard to breathe when i think about not hanging out with the guys everyday. not sitting across from them over coffee and cardiology. or endocrine. or renal. or psych. or any of the other myriad of things we've sat over together. i love those two boys, even if they are jerk facies. they are the closest thing to brothers i will ever have.

i may need to cry just now.

hmm. i just lost the post i typed. that really sucks. and adds to my morning of things that suck.

i think all my friends hate me. because it's noon and i've heard from nobody. and when i called big red this morning, she yelled at me. who knew that saturday was a sleep-in day when there is only one week and three days until boards. one week and three days.

i've been crabby for the past three days. which is probably why all my friends hate me. so i'm sitting in the library by myself today. because i think it's nicer for everyone if i play alone today.

one week and three days.

my grandma has recently decided that i know enough about medicine that she can start asking me medical related questions. she's called three times in less than 24 hours. her latest message (i didn't answer, because as i said, i'm in the library...) said "i couldn't find the benadryl for adults. all i could find was this one for kids. but it has kids and adults on it. and it's called d-i-p-h-e-n-hydramine. so call me back and let me know if this is ok." i told her to ask the pharmacist for help. apparently this is my first taste of patient non-compliance.

exciting!

so much happened yesterday.

i got my ob rotation approved in chicago. i called meridith's mom to see if i could stay at their house in december. how fun!

big red and i bought plane tickets to daytona beach!!! :-) we leave in a week and a half. we'll stay with her grandparents, but that's not going to stop us from getting C-R-A-Z-Y!! ;-)

we also bought tanning packages last night. we figured we'd do a little rush-pre-tanning in order to allow for increased ability to lay on the sun from dawn til dusk. the high life awaits us.

******

i came to the realization yesterday that i know why our school notoriously does poorly in the behavioral medicine section of boards! the cram 40 lectures and 2 exams into two weeks. there's absolutely no time for digestion. no wonder we dont know anything about the superego.

******

a side note, one of my roommates truly believes that strawberry air spray from dollar general will mask/reverse/make pleasant the smell of her poop. i have news for her.

just another day at the mall.

karma and i are hanging out at the den of uncivilization once again. hot-t is allegedly on his way out, but i seriously doubt he makes it. we planted ourselves strategically near an outlet as always, not noticing the group of 4 "grumpy old men" if you will. sitting not more than 6 feet away, playing cards and talking about this random girl that just walked by. i'm not sure what exactly they were discussing, but one of them were convinced that whatever it was, it wasn't real.

our laptops seem to attract way too much attention here. a couple of the old men just stared over karma's shoulder for at least 90 seconds. he's now fully turned around in his chair watching whatever it is karma is working on. old men are so not subtle.

******

ok. to the books, i say. studying is for the birds. but we have a 20 lecture exam on friday and i'm supposed to be through lecture 14 today. totally not happening.

geriatrics sucks. and so does gateway.

this afternoon, karma, big red and i spent the day torturing ourselves by studying in iowa's mecca of shopping malls. hot-t refuses to join us, saying it's uncivilized. whatever. so while all around us families and friends spent their sunday leisurely wandering the corridors of capitalism, we sat in the food court attempting to complete a geriatrics assignment straight out of the pits. it took over two hours to answer 5 questions. and as i was about to save my final, my internet connection fitzed, and i lost all my work. of course, karma had been saving all along and his stuff was tucked neatly away in the vaults of blackboard. good thing we dont need no stinking honor code. he forwarded me his answers. geriatrics. done. after tuesday's exam, i'll hopefully have no further need to keep the word in my vocabulary.

******

big red and i were supposed to work out this evening. i just called her and asked if we could continue out our weekend of gluttony and sloth, replacing it with the diet and exercise bit tomorrow morning. she didn't seem to enthusiastic about that idea, so we compromised. continue the gluttony, get rid of the sloth. so we'll so some pilates later. i can handle that.

******

aside from that, none of the cute babies were at church today. sad.

my first post

i originally started this as a personal journal. but i'm transforming it into a way for family and friends to keep up with what's going on in the medical world that is slowly becoming my life.

on with the ramblings...

i hate geriatrics. no, despise. good thing there are only 9 lectures on this exam, lest i shoot myself in the eye. it doesn't matter though. post-geriatrics exam comes psych. never mind all the board study we'll be skipping this week just to keep up.

i think i'm going to make a nickname for all my friends. if for some reason any of them ever read this, i'd hope they can recognize themselves.

big red and i have been attempting to plan a spring break get-a-way. so far, we've come up with not much of anything affordable. i think we're going to end up saying screw it. i'll go hang out at home (of course, that's AFTER i've spent 20 hours or so reviewing physiology... scheduling sucks.) my mom will be happy.

karma called this afternoon. he'd just left the gym and was heading back to study. again. i envy his drive.