i cried today.

at work. in front of "the dude" - but he either didn't notice, or ignored it for me. i'm sure it's the latter, because the former just wouldn't happen. he knows when i'm thinking of a question for the patient during his interview. it's creepy, really.

******

today my patient was discharged. see, there's been a little girl in the hospital who i've seen every day of my rotation up to this point. i'd thought about bringing her home with me. (this is what we in the psychiatry world call "countertransference") she didn't need to be in the hospital anymore, but didn't have anywhere to go. until today. she'd been on a waiting list for placement at a residential facility in another city. they called today saying that a bed had opened up for her. i won't see her in the morning.

and since i'm learning a lot about teaching kids to process their feelings, i did a little processing of my own.

here's what i've come up with: i'm glad it's me and not her. see, i'm leaving at the end of the week. i was starting to get anxious about telling her i wouldn't be seeing her anymore. i was afraid of how this would impact a little girl who's lost so much already. but now, she gets to be the one who leaves. and that's the way it should be.